You may say I'm a dreamer, and well, you would be right...

Greetings!! I am blowing the dust off of this space because a) I need to be more of a doer than a think about it forever kind, b) I've read somewhere that writing things out gets it out of your head and c) I haven't blogged in so long, I can't remember what I have previously said...

I remember the reason I started this blog but in looking back at the lack of entries, I realize that I always seem to wait for what I believe to be something deep, meaningful and/or profound but as is also in my nature talk myself in, out and around writing into inaction. So, it is with this piece of wordage, I would like to end my over a year of inaction. Do I have something deep, meaningful and/or profound to say, hardly, but I do have something I desperately want to try and remedy...

I dream, a lot. Not only in the awake world (hopes, career, relational) but also while sleeping. In fact, more nights than not, I have either multiple dreams or one that continues even if I wake in the middle of the night. There are even times when I feel like I am steering the dreamworld in the direction I want it to go. Most of the time these dreams are silly and while I could tell stories and get a good laugh, I don't take them to heart. Then there are a few I know that I am suppose to take something away from. I appreciate those as I take them as something I would only believe/trust when shown in that particular way. The rest are the reoccurring dreams. They have only happened a few times in my life but this past year was plagued by a series that I can't seem to shake so I felt like I should attempt to free my subconscious of them by writing about it.

Including this past weekend, I have dreamt of the same three people, in the same order, with the same scenario three times...
     In the first dream, the first night, I dream that I am searching for this person in order to reconcile our relationship no matter what their current situation. I feel panic and desperation throughout this dream and wake up feeling irritated and insecure. I have not seen or spoken to this person in 10 years...
     In the second dream, the second night, I dream that I am professing my love to this person and my regret for being so stupid in years past, that this person is not home and that they need to return home to be truly happy and that this happiness includes me. I wake up feeling the same regret I spoke of in the dream and continue thinking about this person for days after the dream. I have not seen or spoken to this person in 6 years...
     In the third dream, the third night, I dream that I am having a phone conversation with this person and they are telling me how much they need me, how much they value me and that even though they have someone, it is not me. I tell this person that they are out of their mind. I wake up from this dream feeling very foolish...

Yes, they are all three men that I have had a relationship with at some point in my life and of whom, as my dreams would suggest, I have left something unresolved. The irritation comes for me when I consider the years that have gone by since communication and how many times I need to "resolve" something before it leaves my subconscious.

So, in an effort to help myself I have decided to write a letter to each one of these people and let whatever words come, come. I wouldn't write it to be sent, of course, maybe burnt or shredded into a billion pieces, but not sent. That is the only way I can think of to resolve something that I may never have a chance to in person...

Now I find myself preparing to sleep again and praying it doesn't involve the third person (as I have already dreamt about the first two again) and wondering what I am going to do about the Zombie dreams...

Oh well, Goodnight and if you made it this far, thank you!
<3

***Anyone that can interpret dreams, please feel free to share your thoughts, except the thought that I need to seek counseling. I am already painfully aware of that ;)***